From a corporate worm to a spiritual butterfly

Notes about my personal journey from a corporate career to spirituality

NB: the Article was originally published in 'Spiritual Lifestyle' Magazine run by TJ Higgs. The article is also available here.

I used to wear formal attire or smart casual, suits and heels were filling my wardrobe. I led meetings, managed teams, hit deadlines, chased targets, carved strategies and digested litres of coffee on a daily basis. My brain was always on, my body was always on. I successfully climbed my career ladder, smiling from the pictures: ‘Look, I made it’. From the outside, my life looked polished — successful, structured, safe. I never thought my corporate career would take a turn to spirituality.

But I was never just that.

Even in my earliest memories, I could sense things no one else seemed to notice — colours around people, flickers of light, sudden knowing, emotions. I thought everyone saw the world like this, until the reality of the post-Soviet culture hit me. It hit me hard. As a young child drawing a blue man or a green cat and trying to prove to everyone that they are, indeed, blue and green, you were branded ‘special’, and not in a good and loving way. Or sharing that you saw your great grandmother hanging around weeks after her passing, you were branded weird or laughed at for ‘having such a great imagination’. Or remembering your past lives, and telling people around you eerie details of the places you have never been to, or people you could not have possibly met as a young child - you were branded a liar or a fantasist. You get the idea. 

So, I kept it quiet.

I buried it. Deep, deep, deep down - so deep. I blocked it, locked it and hid away, so that no one, not even me, could ever find it again. It is not safe to be who you are, it is painful to be rejected, isolated, branded and laughed at. 

As I grew older, I did what many sensitives do — I adapted. Can’t exist in the society being spirit-led or soul-led? Fine, I will lead with my mind. I tucked my intuition away behind ambition, intellect, rationality,  technology, optimisation and many other things. I chose safety and stability. For nearly 20 years, I lived and thrived in the corporate world, performing, achieving, scoring, producing, progressing… but always carrying this secret world within me, the world that was trauma-blocked. I’d walk into boardrooms and feel the energy before a word was spoken. I’d somehow know who was drained, who was hiding sadness, who was quietly holding everything together, who’s grieving, who was cheating on their partners - and no, I was not doing it deliberately or energetically sneaking around, I would just ‘know’. But mostly, I wore a mask. Not the type of mask we were wearing during the pandemic. More like a Venice Carnival, where you can adopt another identity, be someone else. 

I would employ my rationality and intellect to solve the emotional mysteries of people around me - to get to the bottom of everything with my mind. I got trained as a coach, devoured dozens of books about psychology, trauma, communication - all because I wanted to be a good manager and a good leader, the one who understands, relates, helps. ‘Healing’ was not in my vocabulary at the time, helping was. Empathy makes you a strong leader, green flag, but showing or reflecting emotion can easily be a red flag for the corporate world.

The spiritual always lived under the surface — quiet, constant, rationally unexplainable — like a hum I couldn’t switch off. I just didn’t think I was allowed to listen. Neither did I believe I could trust it - where did that thought come from? Ah, just an assumption based on probability, analysis of the general behaviour together with the personal traits and patterns. I would fight those ‘assumptions’ every day and if that ‘assumption’ was correct, I would laugh it off as a lucky guess or a great analysis, and pat myself on the shoulder, well done, rational you!

Until I couldn’t not listen anymore.

It didn’t happen overnight. It was more like the gentle, persistent call of the soul — a whisper that grew louder with each passing year. Burnout came knocking. My body began to speak louder and on occasion decided to give up on me. My weight was growing in a geometric progression. The shiny life I had built no longer fit the shape of my becoming. And you’d think that this is when I surrendered and allowed for things to happen. Of course not, I anchored my life rationally, so I was powering through. I was forcing myself even harder than before. Further and further down the rational rabbit hole and the corporate workaholic hamster wheel. What does the Universe do when you don’t listen? What does the Universe do when you build the wall around you, steer your ship too far away from the course, choose not to choose? It purges. It knocks you off your feet, or - in my case - knocks me off my bike and leaves me with permanent damage to my knee and crutches for months. No usual activities - no long hikes, no cycling, no salsa, no yoga, no sport, no travelling for a while. And then by chance…

I found Glastonbury. Don’t ask me how I went up to the Tor with my knee and my crutch companions, I don’t have much recollection of that - I just remember that it was windy. And then I came to Glastonbury again. And again. Trained, certified, trained, certified, trained and certified. The imposter syndrome, lack of trust, fear of rejection and isolation, retraumatisation - all were dancing around me like nymphs and Satyr. 

I found my true name — Theana. And I remembered.

I remembered why I was really here.

Stepping into the healing path wasn’t a big dramatic leap or a kaboom type of event — it was a sacred homecoming. I started with research and practice with auras, energy work, opened my heart to Reiki, fell deeper into crystals and herbs, surrendered to the musings of the soul and its journeys through past life work, sound, the Akashic Records… Every modality was like a string in a harp, reconnecting me to a song I had long forgotten. I have never felt happier, complete, aligned. I have never embodied happier, complete and aligned. I was guided into my own healing temple and I stepped into that pillar or light, unapologetically reconnecting my mind and body from this current lifetime, to my soul that has been patiently waiting for me to complete that transition and merge.

Now, through Moon Haven, I hold spaces I used to dream about — healing circles, moon ceremonies, sound baths, soul journeys, one-to-one sessions, and workshops across London and Glastonbury. I guide others in remembering who they really are. But the truth is — the healer is always healing, through different shapes and forms. This path chose me, yes… but it also continues to shape me every single day.

So here’s my confession: You can look like you have it all together — the title, the success, the life on paper — and still feel the ache of your soul trying to break through. You can ignore the whispers for years, but they will never truly go away. And when you finally listen? The life that unfolds is more wild, beautiful, and authentic than you could ever plan.

If you're reading this and feeling that same whisper — trust it. You’re not late. You’re not too much. You’re right on time. Your soul always knows the way home.

Love & blessings,

Theana